Quiverus The Unjust
In Quirinius there lives a governor known as Quiverus the Unjust. He spends his days staring out the window into the fog, making up songs to sing for his late beloved Petunia, and humming with the bullfrogs on summer evenings.
On the day we meet our hero, a young goldfinch named Finkelstein had had the misfortune of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and instead of singing All You Need Is Love for his brother’s wedding, was summarily beheaded for a crime he didn’t commit. It was a sad day in Quirinius, and his funeral was well- attended.
It was on this day that Quiverus had his very first opportunity to make things a little better, and set things a little righter. It was also the first day on which he failed miserably at both those things.
The problem was Finkelstein’s niece. Her name was Jessica, and she had fallen in love with a young goldfinch named Jeffrey. Alas, he was promised to another.
There was only one thing that could save them: if Quiverus were to nullify the betrothal. As it happened, Finkelstein’s beheading being something of a national occasion, Quiverus was in attendance at his funeral. Jessica was never one to let an opportunity pass her by, and so she boldly approached the governor with her request.
“Hello,” said Jessica. “I hear you’re the governor in these parts.”
Quiverus grumbled. He hated being addressed by “governor,” or any other term.
“I am,” he replied.
“Are you able to nullify my true love’s betrothal to the lowly tavern wench, Veronica?”
Quiverus looked over to the corner, where the poor lovely Veronica sat, all alone. Everyone knew that Jeffrey didn’t really love her—but what could be done?
“Is this Veronica’s wish?” he asked, honestly just stalling for time.
It was not Veronica’s wish.
Well, not quite, anyway. Veronica’s wish was to marry well, have lots of kids, hire a nanny, and live a life of luxury—having children, but not having to raise them, like the other rich moms. Jeffrey’s family had money, and Veronica knew this would help her accomplish her goal. Also, Jeffrey’s family went golfing every Friday. Veronica had never been golfing, and she wanted to learn, but she wouldn’t be caught dead on a golf course without a husband. And so, you see, she was trapped. Her life couldn’t move forward unless she was betrothed to Jeffrey. No other way around it.
“Well I—” Jessica was about to explain the complexity of the situation when—
Quiverus quivered.
It was a tick he had, and the reason for his unfortunate nickname.
In case you were wondering, no one names their child “Quiverus.” No, his real name was Humphrey, after his father, who died in the war. But he had had a nervous twitch all through gradeschool, and one of his teachers called him “Quiverus” as a joke.
Teachers really ought to take care what they call their students. Sometimes the names stick.
Humphrey was a practical man. He had never been overly fond of his given name, and when he realized no one was using it, he had it legally changed. He wasn’t overly fond of “Quiverus” either, but at least the legal name change prevented him from constantly having to correct people all the time.
As I was saying—Quiverus quivered. That meant he was about to render a decision.
Which is when Jeffrey showed up.
“Sorry I’m late,” he said. “Has Quiverus rendered his decision yet?”
Jessica nodded. “He was just about to—”
Now is a very key point in the story. Now is when you need to know something about Quiverus that no one else knows but him.
Quiverus is cursed.
He would like to render just decisions—really he would. He’s a kind soul deep down, and he would love nothing more than to solve everyone’s problems all the time, and sleep well at night.
He can’t, though.
When he was born, he was cursed to always be unjust.
That means that even though bringing justice is his literal job, he actually can’t do it.
People have noticed the trend, and most just believe he’s just grumpy, or has a bad childhood.
He is mildly grumpy. But his childhood was fine.
No, he’s just cursed.
And that’s why the next words out of his mouth were, “I’m sorry, but the betrothal stands.”
At this, Jessica was devastated.
Jeffrey sighed.
And Veronica sat up a little straighter.
Embarrassed at having mucked everything up yet again, Quiverus excused himself, and took his leave of the funeral.
A single tear fell from his eye.
But no one noticed, because they were all at a funeral.
And even if they had—they would’ve just thought he had been exceptionally good friends with the goldfinch, Finkelstein.
Chapter 2: Disco Larry
Twas the second month of Quiverus’ reign. He spent his nights sleeplessly, quivering to himself as he thought of all the unjust rulings he was giving. As best he could tell, he was a walking nightmare. Not having any way to tell anyone what was wrong, however, his advisors chalked it up to “the weight that every ruler must carry,” shrugged their shoulders, and went along with it.
This second month would provide Quiverus his most difficult challenge yet. This is the month in which Miss Lucy Mae would meet the love of her life: Disco Larry.
Why did they call him Disco Larry?
Lots of reasons. For one thing, he ran Quirinius’ only disco, which did fairly well during the summer months, when it was warm enough to dance outside. For another, his mother had had a difficult childbirth, and had been on a number of strong painkillers when vital records had asked her what she wanted to name her child. Hallucinating back to the night she met his father, Larry, at a disco, she murmured “Disco—Larry—” before wiping back out for several hours. Thus it was unfortunately also his given name.
Lucy Mae met Disco Larry one night at his disco, where they had a meeting of the minds and danced the night away. He liked her blonde bob; she liked his golden curls, and the rest was history. They spent a single week courting before deciding their chance meeting was destiny in the making, and pledging their undying love to one another forever.
There was just one problem.
Having had such a difficult childbirth, Disco Larry’s mother was a helicopter parent. At 21, he was the youngest DJ Quirinus had ever known (also the only one it had ever known, but that’s beside the point). She firmly believed that 21 was too young to get married. And so, the moment he gave her the news, she put her sizable toad foot down (Larry’s whole lineage was giant toad), and said absolutely not. She then signed poor Larry up for the military.
Distraught, Miss Lucy Mae knew there was only one thing to do, and promptly sought an audience with Quiverus the Unjust. When her turn came to see him, she brought a humble gift of her mother’s marmalade.
You might think that was a silly gift to try to curry favor with one’s governor, but that would show a significant lack of insight into the marmalade in question, as well as into Quiverus the Unjust. Marmalade was his favorite thing in the world, and when he saw it, he was saddened by the fact that he would be unable to render a just decision for poor Miss Lucy Mae.
Her eyes sparkled as she handed the marmalade over. She couldn’t believe her luck in meeting the love of her life at such a young age, and she couldn’t wait to spend the rest of her life with Disco Larry. She had heard the horrible rumors of the unjust proclamations made by Quirinus the Unjust, but, well, love makes us see the world through rose-colored glasses. She genuinely believed he would make an exception for her.
Handing him her prized marmalade, she lifted her sweet little eyes up to look into his sad ones, and said, “Can you please stop Disco Larry’s mother from sending him to the military? I love him, and want to marry him.”
Oh, how Quiverus wished he could tell Miss Lucy Mae to go to another kingdom with her request. How he wished he could march right down to Disco Larry’s mother, and demand that she let Disco Larry get married right this instant.
But he couldn’t. The curse wouldn’t allow him to.
Quiverus quivered.
Miss Lucy Mae looked up, eyes full of hope.
“I’m sorry, Miss Lucy Mae,” Quiverus said. “But Disco Larry needs to go to the military like his mother says.”
Beginning to cry fresh tears, Miss Lucy Mae nodded, lowered her head, and took her leave of Quiverus the Unjust.
Wanting to crawl under a rock, Quiverus let a single tear fall as Miss Lucy Mae walked away. He could hear her sniffling softly to herself all the way down the hall, with her sister Cornelia doing her very best to comfort her as they walked sadly back home.
Chapter 3: Mauvais, The Dark Fairy
It was springtime in Quirinius—a time of great love, joy, and peace, a time of planting, dancing, and enjoying life, with fun had by all.
Except Quiverus.
Quiverus was sitting in a small corner by the pool, quivering, while everyone else enjoyed the sunshine.
Quiverus had a decision to make, and he didn’t want it to be unjust—he wanted it to be jolly.
He wanted it to make people happy, and make himself popular, and have a parade go down main street singing praises about what a good governor he was, and what wonderful decisions he made in order to help his people.
But alas, none of that was going to happen.
Because of this dreadful curse, that he didn’t know how to break.
It had happened 10 years ago, when first he had set his eyes on the office of governor.
No one knew about his secret desire to rule the land and bring peace to all—
No one except the evil fairy, Mauvais (“Mo-VAY.” It’s French for bad.).
Whoa whoa whoa! Who would be foolish enough to get on an evil fairy’s bad side?
Well, it’s actually a bit worse than that—he was actually his best friend.
Whoopsie.
Eh, high school is rough. How many of you can say you never brushed shoulders with an evil fairy without at least feeling sorry for him?
Eh, there. You see? No one.
Anyhow, yeah. They were high school besties.
And then college besties.
And then work force besties.
It was really a sweet and beautiful thing to watch.
…the problem with being besties with an evil fairy is that sometimes you outgrow them.
You grow up and realize all the shenanigans you used to get up to weren’t cute and silly. They were mean. And your best friend isn’t really a friendly little wood sprite like he told you—he’s actually an evil fairy. And he’s next in line to succeed the throne in the dark realm of Grimdoor.
Whoopsie.
Like so many lifelong friends do these days, they had a falling out. Quiverus used some very strongly worded language to hurt Mauvais’ feelings. In kind, Mauvais saw to it that if he ever managed to become governor, he would never truly achieve his dreams of bringing peace to the realm. Instead, he cursed him to not only never give a just ruling, but also to never be able to tell anyone about it.
Rude, I know.
From that point on, Quiverus quivered more than usual. His eyes were sadder than usual. His gait was heavier than usual. But within the next five years he was proclaimed governor of the realm, and everyone just assumed it came with the territory. Never thought to ask him to blink twice if he needed help—not even his therapist. She had worked with him a long time, and she really should’ve picked up on something like that.
Now Quiverus had to figure out how to rule his beloved people while under such a terrible curse—and also figure out how to break the curse—without ever telling anyone what the problem was in the first place.
Have you ever tried to get help without first defining the problem?
It’s hard.
Nearly impossible.
But Quiverus was governor, and this was absolutely within his pay grade.
And so, late at night, when he was done governing, and the rest of the palace had gone to sleep, he began to search the arcane annals. He hoped that at some point his search would uncover some trace of ancient magic, that might eventually be able to set him free.